The World Without Internet

Addiction is a terrible thing.

My office today

Hello friends, it’s been a while, I know, but life does go on, doesn’t it? I’m still adjusting to the widow’s life and all I can say is, it’s interesting…

The biggest change is in decision making. It’s all on me now, and it has its good side and its bad. The good side is that there are no committee meetings, where both of us have a say. I get my way all the time now. The bad side, of course, is that I get my way all the time now. That means I have to be more cautious—I have to think it through before I do something hasty. I find myself weighing the pros and cons, thinking like he would, and sometimes even taking his side.

It’s different.

Thursday marked our 66th Anniversary and, as you can imagine, it was a rough day. I knew it would be and I dreaded its coming. I think it may be the hardest of the hurting days, and it’s because it’s our day exclusively. We started the tradition by marrying on that day, and nobody else can claim it.

Will the tradition end, now that he’s not here to share it? No, and I’m happy for that. July 14 is etched in my memory and in my heart and I see now that it’ll always be our day. Memories, with an ache now, washed over me all day. Even the mention of the date made me cry, but I woke up the next morning feeling okay.

I know it’s going to be this way. There are things we did together that I still avoid. Favorite movies (it’ll be a while before I can watch ‘On Golden Pond’ again.) Favorite places. We loved wandering around old cemeteries (we’re weird that way), and I was on my way to a particular favorite in St. Ignace last week when I remembered: it’s a cemetery. So, no. Not yet.

And to top it all off, my internet was out all last week. It’s still out. I’m outside of the library right now using their wifi signal to write this on my laptop. (As you can see from the photo above, it’s not the worst place to be.)

I finally figured out how to use my phone to write a blog, but my phone signal is almost as iffy as my internet, and how the hell do you type that much on that tiny keyboard? It’s not natural. I hate it.

I’m writing more offline, and I’m reading more, and I’m watching DVDs. Did I tell you I cancelled my horrible cable (same company) and went with YouTubeTV streaming? Available only with wifi? So no TV and no internet. Sort of like when I was growing up, but I could go outdoors and bounce around then, just to pass the time.

So I’ve started watching ‘The West Wing’ again, and I have to say, most of my favorite scenes seem to have happened in that first season—the hiring of Charlie, Toby’s quest to give a proper military burial to a homeless man, Jeb Bartlet’s takedown of the Religious Right—I’m loving it.

So don’t feel sorry for me, whatever you do. I know this sounds grouchy, but I’m grateful for many things—scenery and friends and just life in general. And when I get back in the swing of things, internet-wise, we’ll talk again. In the meantime, stay well, be happy, and let’s work at keeping America safe. For all of us.

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