In 1998 I wrote a Letter to Hillary Clinton
And she wrote back. I just wish I knew what I'd said to her.
It’s June, the air is cool, the windows are open, and I’m deep cleaning the shelves behind my office door. There are things back there I haven’t seen or opened in 25 years1—Notebooks and file folders and stacks of things that must have been important at one time or another. It’s rare that I dig in like this, mainly because it’s an all-day job, what with having to look at everything again, sorting and then remembering and then going off on a tangent because one thing leads to another and another and maybe I’ll do something with this some day! And almost all of it goes back.
But this time I realized I have a new fancy file cabinet and much of this stuff could go in there. Brilliant! I hauled out a stack of folders and began to go through them. Within a few minutes I found an envelope that stopped me cold. In the upper left corner it said, “The White House”.
I thought maybe it was a Christmas card. We used to get them from Jimmy and Roslyn when they were in the White House. But the envelope is dated June 22, 1998 and it’s addressed to me.
Inside is a thank you letter, a very nice thank you letter from Hillary Rodham Clinton.
I have to believe it’s authentic, and her signature looks right, but I can’t for the life of me remember sending her a letter that would have prompted such a response. I have completely forgotten ever writing a letter to Hillary Clinton.
I can’t find a copy or a draft of what I might have written. I’m usually a stickler for keeping copies of letters I send out—especially ones of this magnitude (Who am I kidding? This is actually the first of this magnitude.), but it was 25 years ago and apparently I do clean out my shit sometimes.
Looking for clues, I went back to see what was happening around the time I decided to write to the then First Lady. In June 1998 her husband, Bill Clinton, was serving his second term as president and the Monica Lewinsky scandal was in full swing. I hated that phony, politically motivated scandal and I was furious at the president, who, knowing how many enemies were in the bushes just waiting for him to mess up, took a chance and fooled around and then got caught.
I couldn’t imagine what Hillary must have been going through, but I also can’t imagine the scandal was what I was writing about. Would I really have done that?
Looks like I did—maybe a little.
“Your words of encouragement and support…”.
In May of that year all hell was breaking loose2. Ken Starr was on the scene. A judge had struck down Clinton’s request for executive privilege and 30 Democratic House members voted with the Republicans to force him to release what were no doubt incriminating documents. That would have been a month before I received the letter from the White House; time enough for my letter to have been scanned and approved and put on Hillary’s desk, where, miracle of miracles, she answered it.
She goes on to talk about “individuals who share a vision of a better life for all Americans”, so it must have been broader than the scandal. I hope.
And it looks like I shared some ‘thoughts and ideas’. I would give anything to know what they were. Were they good ideas? Just okay? Did I embarrass myself and Hillary was just being nice?
How could I have forgotten I had this amazing letter? Didn’t I spend those months after the 2016 primary pushing for and supporting Hillary for President? I did. Wasn’t she on my mind for what seemed like years? She was.
But here’s the truth, and it makes this find even more baffling. In the years between 1998 and Hillary’s run for president in 2015-16, I wasn’t always on her side. I supported Barack Obama over Hillary in 2008, for example, with no reservations at all, though I would have loved to see a woman in the White House.
I confessed all in a blog I wrote in June, 2016—the post called “When Hillary Cracks the Glass Ceiling for Some of Us It’s Personal”, the gist of which was to explain my decision to support her:
During the 2008 presidential election, I supported Barack Obama over Hillary. My initial image of Hillary was as the embattled First Lady who messed up our chances at universal health care, and as the woman who said she would never just stand by her man like Tammy Wynette, but then, when Bill’s philandering became a reason for impeachment, she did. I had heard enough about her to believe she wasn't trustworthy, she wasn't real, she wasn't ready or fit to be president. I barely remember the arguments for her. I vividly remember the arguments against her. They’re the same arguments we're seeing this time, updated to include her time as Secretary of State, adding another seven years' worth of grievances.
What?? Had I completely forgotten that I’d written an encouraging letter to that very same Hillary Clinton in June 1998, at around the very time she was, in fact, standing by her man?
I had completely forgotten. So now the mystery deepens. Why did I feel compelled to write that letter to Hillary? I don’t know. And I’ll never know. My memory gets worse, not better, and there’s almost no chance any of it will come rushing back to me.
All I know is, whatever it was it became water under the bridge when she won the 2016 primary and had to go up against Donald Trump. I wanted Hillary to break that glass ceiling and open up the sky to the rest of us, I wanted her to show Trump and those other misogynistic jackals what big-time losing looks like, but more than that I wanted her to prove herself as the top dog in a country that never wanted to give her a chance.
By that time, I had no doubt she could handle it. I’d read more of her history from people who knew her through her good works. Whatever reservations I’d had before meant I was wrong. Dreadfully, stupidly wrong. I tried to make up for it by writing things like this:
I've been thinking for a long time about the ways Hillary Clinton might possibly appease the press and get them to look at her as a living, breathing whole person and not just Bad Hillary. I think I've finally got it.
She needs to stop being who she is and be someone else. She could change her name to--I don't know--Mother Teresa or Mother Jones or Jo Schmo from Kokomo. It's clear she can't go on as Hillary Clinton.
The Hillary she has lived with all her life has to go. The private Hillary can no longer compete with the public Hillary whose persona, crafted over more than 25 years by people who don't even know her, has now become a caricature. It's incredibly difficult to run for president as a caricature, even with an opponent as cartoonish as Donald Trump.
I worked and worried to get her elected, I cried bitter tears when she lost, I've marveled at her intelligence and her grace in the years since, and I’m on Hillary’s side for good. I’m not surprised that she’s seen now as a level-headed senior stateswoman, a lifelong feminist and advocate for the people, a keen observer of those things the Republicans and the press have missed when it comes to Donald Trump.
She stops just short of “I told you so”, and if anyone has a right to say it, she does.
I’ll treasure this letter now. Better late than never, I know, but it’ll go to my granddaughter when I’m gone. My granddaughter, whose very first vote went to Hillary.
I want her to know her grandmother said something that caused Hillary Rodham Clinton to write back when she didn’t really have to.
It would have been so much better if I could only remember what it was.
(Cross-posted at Writer Everlasting)
I’m saying ‘25 years’ because the letter from Hillary Clinton is almost exactly 25 years old. There could be things back there that are much older.
This is a scandal timeline from the Washington Post archives but you may have to have a subscription in order to access it. Sorry.
As a child, I wrote to President Jimmy Carter to let him know I was coming to DC on vacation and that I'd like to visit him. I received a form response (which I still have). Sadly, we weren't able to get a White House tour, so I was never able to even get close. Decades later, Jimmy called my sister personally to thank her for a big donation to The Carter Center. She was practically speechless. LOL
I've always supported Hillary but, I'll admit, not always ardently. One of my politically astute friends attended rallies for both Barack and Hillary and came away saying she had way more substance. I voted for her in the 2008 primary. I literally danced through my office building telling all who would listen that I'd just voted for a woman for president. The expressions on the good ole boys who wanted to be polite were priceless. I'd NEVER do that now! However, despite my glee, I suspected that (just like suffrage) a black man would gain the presidency before a woman.
In 2016, I was torn. I've always been a fan of Bernie's and even attended a rally of his in Dallas when his campaign was just getting started. But then I started reading Hillary's Wikipedia page and I was ashamed of my feminist self. She's the real deal, fighting for women's rights since she was in college. Hillary has had it tough. After that, I was a true believer and even joined Pantsuit Nation, a FB group of Hillary supporters. At that time (if this tells you anything), it was supposed to be a "secret" group because many couldn't swear their allegiance publicly. But people told stories of meeting her, going to her rallies, and of wonderful things she's done in her long career. I was convinced that not only were we going to have our first woman president but she'd also be a feminist. The fall back to earth was very, very hard.
During those first few months, I tried to write her a letter of support. But the words wouldn't come because I was so incredibly upset. I started trying to read her book, What Happened, on a plane flight and had to stop because I was crying. I still haven't read it. I suspected all along that they cheated (they did) but it was a true wakeup call to the state of gender relations in the U.S.
I'd thought, I'd hoped, we were further along than we are. After the 2016 election, it was crystal clear how wrong I'd been. But 2016 was a rallying cry. I did an informal survey of women about what Hillary's "loss" meant to them. It was interesting. Some got divorced. Some became activists. Of course, my sample was biased. I'd love to see a true survey of a broad array of liberal women. I don't care about the opinions of the conservative ones. After the 2016 election, when I was running in parks, I'd see white women and I'd think, "Did you sell us out, sister?" Sadly, given where I live, the answer was probably yes.
I too wish we knew what you said in your letter. I'm sure it was well-written and well thought out. Clearly, it provided encouragement in a difficult time. Thank you for doing that. I wish I'd thought of it.
Love this! We all unearth treasures at some points. Mrs. Douglas MacArthur (yeah, that one) writing a thank-you (hand-written) to my grandmother thanking her for the care she and her husband received while spending quiet time at the estate for which my grandparents were caretakers. My congratulations letter from Bobby Kennedy on my Regents scholarship (but this went to everyone in New York State that got a Regents scholarship, and it was stamped...but still...). I have saved so many articles, etc. since I was in the hospital with tonsillitis when I was 8 (clipped by my parents). When Dean became really ill I went through all our photos and with the help of Shutterfly put together memory books of and for us - for the days when neither of us could remember. I need to do that for my own stuff now - my foster son would like that. You should take some of those priceless items you unearth, scan them, and then make a few books. That way they're in front of you any time you want to remember. All those decaying piece of paper finally preserved for viewing any time. (Hillary was so right - and as much as I was and am a Bernie fan, I fought for him to the end, and then worked for Hillary - and watched SNL the weekend after the election and cried with Kate McKinnon. She is a stateswoman and should be used these days to promote peace and understanding...but she sure has earned a rest. Imagine the world now if Al Gore and then Hillary had been elected.........