I am 84 years old and on a constant rant. True, my body can't do what it did when I was a teen, but my spirit is alive and well. - thank you very much. I resent people, the media, and society lumping me in a group of others the same age. I am not them. . I am me.
You would think as time goes on and people live longer and more productive lives, there wouldn't be this need to keep us separate. Instead, it seems to get worse. Mainly, I think, because so many people have figured out ways to profit off of old people.
Right. They want us to think we need our own shampoo, our own skin cream, our own cereal, our own housing, and all of that keeps us separate. It's insidious and too many old people fall for it.
Our society is so age-segregated. I remember being in Puerto Vallarta and seeing whole families of three generations walking by the beach in the evening. That's how we should be living.
Yes! Our old grandmothers always came to the beach with us. We brought chairs for them because they couldn't sit in the sand. It was wonderful for them and for us.
At 71 and with my friends aged between 60's and 80's, we appreciate your rage and your feisty attitude.
We are classical ballet students, swimmers, kayakers, horse riders, bikeriders, childminders, philosophers, cooks, cleaners, gardeners, bushwalkers and there's even a writer amongst us. Our bodies sag, our tendons stretch and for some, bones are brittle. But we are meaningful (and wrathful if crossed) folk who still hold a vitally valid place in this selfish world.
I just listened to Sheila Hancock's Old Rage - her memoir about a world that is driving her mad and she became my new best friend. Excellent book! Recommended to all we 'old folk'!
I bristle at most generalities based on generations. Less so about Boomers, because really, our generation does have a lot to answer for. We failed to leave a better world for our children, something you and your parents did. That's not ME, exactly -- I didn't vote for any of the monsters, from 1976-present -- but I still feel a twinge of responsibility.
I'll put all Republicans in the same basket. But I think generalizing about a group of people has value only if they chose to be in that group.
It's definitely not for sissies, but it helps, I think, to find that here we are, functioning pretty damned well, and we're not alone! There are hordes of us and our numbers are growing. Longevity reigns.
I'm not 85 yet, but I'm gotten old enough that people have the temerity to call me "Young lady." It's always said in that jocular way that men have who are no longer young themselves and clearly feel panicked about it. (To be fair, it irritates me just as much when women do this, but it is most frequently men).
What to do? Call them out. Don't smile and take it. Call them out politely, but call them out.
One particularly rotund man (a clergyman) called me this recently and got quite irritated when I told him it was condescending and that no woman over 13 appreciates being called "young lady."
"Would you think it was a compliment," I asked him, looking him up and down, "if I called you 'Slim'?"
Excellent column, Mona. In 2019 I attended 5 funerals. That's a bunch. Most were for people my vintage (you and I are the same age), one was a younger woman who had battled diabetes for most of her life. You're absolutely right, even people in their sixties don't look at life as we do. I for sure did not...it was one of the most active periods of my life. I admit to occasionally referring to my age with humor, mainly because NOBODY wants to hear me whine about the stuff that sometimes seems overwhelming. But you know one pet peeve? When a celebrity reaches their eighties or nineties and dies and there is all this OH NO, HOW SAD reaction. Holy Hannah, people! What a great life this person lived, and face it: NOBODY LIVES FOREVER. (One of my favorite lines from "House.") So instead of mourning the expected death of an old person (NLF), how about CELEBRATING IT?? -- that's my rant and I'm sticking to it. Oh... and I'm curious to learn what comes next. (Another topic for another time.)
You said it, sister. It really grinds me, too, when celebrities become famous more for their longevity than for their careers. The exceptions, of course, are folks like Betty white, Jane Fonda, Norman Lear, Dick VanDyke (He's still DANCING!) Carl Reiner, or Rita Moreno. They were or are still FORCES well into what we laughingly call 'old age'.
I so agree with your rant! I'm not yet at your age (though I'm not young) but I've always hated that way of looking at and talking about older people. I once worked with a nice, well-meaning millennial at a solar-related company who talked about a "sweet little old lady" persona wanting to go solar. I had to tell him not to talk about old women that way! What is it about getting old that would make us sweet? Hmph!
Prue Batten has just recommended I come visit you here at Substack Ramona and I'm so glad I did. Thank you so much for the 1-2-3-4 Newbie tutorials - they are great! I look forward to forging a connection with you as my next great adventure of re-invention unfolds. Now in what I call the "4th quarter" and creating a new persona as "The Crone aka Wise Woman (in training)" I relate to this post and truly appreciate your tongue-in-cheek comments and sense of humor. :-)
Welcome, Marilyn! Any friend of Prue's is a friend of mine! I hope you'll come back often.
I'm all for reinvention. It makes life incredibly interesting, and Crones/Wise Women are sorely needed as we jostle for our places in a world where they'd like to just forget about us.
Uh uh! We're here and we're special. And they're gonna know it.
I'm going to drop into the comments from the perspective of a 57 year old.
Possibly part of the issue is the lack of people in their last quarter of life (is that the right thing to say?) sharing their interesting perspectives and educating folks. I have spent decades working in health care and got to know great, and not-so-great, folks of all ages. I've watched them go through almost thirty years of living, yet it's mostly from being online, especially Substack, that I have been able to get the skinny on aging as it really is. Usually, if I read an article or even a book, it's not clear how old the writer is it which feeds into ageism as our culture wrongly assumes it was written by someone younger.
Even though I walked alongside my Mom during the death of my Dad, at 84, I did not get to see inside her head or heart the same way. I come from a very unaware family who have taught me how I don't want to age. At this moment I sit with my elderly, ill Mom in her senior residence and she is not like the others in here. They are all suffering and have complicated cases yet most seem to tackle it differently than she does. I don't need to go into detail but I've come to realize what this generational imprint has contributed greatly to my beliefs around aging and I need to actively work on changing that. So many of them are unconscious and it wasn't until my recently they have begun to surface.
I come from a very unaware family who have taught me how I don't want to age. Watching them has fueled my passion for wellness and education. I try to do this both in my clinical practice and my writing but it's only by being educated by folks older than me that I can do it with awareness.
Yes, our culture needs to change around aging, just as it's in the throes of changing around how to treat women, how to be a man, and too many other inequities to mention in this post (racism anyone) and the only way through is education. I, like many others, sometimes don't want to dip my foot in the comment pool because I am scared I will do it wrong. I'm concerned I'll say an offensive thing, or do it in an inappropriate way, yet the only way beyond that is to jump in, learn and do better.
I don't know what it feels like to be in my eighties but I am trying to actively focus on how I will want that to look. I am exploring it now, while I can do something about it by keeping a healthy body and mind. But it is only by following in the footsteps of others walking ahead that I will get to where I want to go.
I am 84 years old and on a constant rant. True, my body can't do what it did when I was a teen, but my spirit is alive and well. - thank you very much. I resent people, the media, and society lumping me in a group of others the same age. I am not them. . I am me.
You would think as time goes on and people live longer and more productive lives, there wouldn't be this need to keep us separate. Instead, it seems to get worse. Mainly, I think, because so many people have figured out ways to profit off of old people.
That is certainly a good point - and profit from peoples' fear of showing their age or growing older.
Right. They want us to think we need our own shampoo, our own skin cream, our own cereal, our own housing, and all of that keeps us separate. It's insidious and too many old people fall for it.
Our society is so age-segregated. I remember being in Puerto Vallarta and seeing whole families of three generations walking by the beach in the evening. That's how we should be living.
Yes! Our old grandmothers always came to the beach with us. We brought chairs for them because they couldn't sit in the sand. It was wonderful for them and for us.
Loved the post today!
Thank you!
Yeah, baby!!!!!
At 71 and with my friends aged between 60's and 80's, we appreciate your rage and your feisty attitude.
We are classical ballet students, swimmers, kayakers, horse riders, bikeriders, childminders, philosophers, cooks, cleaners, gardeners, bushwalkers and there's even a writer amongst us. Our bodies sag, our tendons stretch and for some, bones are brittle. But we are meaningful (and wrathful if crossed) folk who still hold a vitally valid place in this selfish world.
I just listened to Sheila Hancock's Old Rage - her memoir about a world that is driving her mad and she became my new best friend. Excellent book! Recommended to all we 'old folk'!
Yay! That's the way to live! I'll look for 'Old Rage'. Sounds about right!
I bristle at most generalities based on generations. Less so about Boomers, because really, our generation does have a lot to answer for. We failed to leave a better world for our children, something you and your parents did. That's not ME, exactly -- I didn't vote for any of the monsters, from 1976-present -- but I still feel a twinge of responsibility.
I'll put all Republicans in the same basket. But I think generalizing about a group of people has value only if they chose to be in that group.
Amen. It's tough physically to grow old...and have kids who don't want to admit that their mom and dad are - well, old.
It's definitely not for sissies, but it helps, I think, to find that here we are, functioning pretty damned well, and we're not alone! There are hordes of us and our numbers are growing. Longevity reigns.
So screw the rest of 'em!
And a lovely rant it is!
I'm not 85 yet, but I'm gotten old enough that people have the temerity to call me "Young lady." It's always said in that jocular way that men have who are no longer young themselves and clearly feel panicked about it. (To be fair, it irritates me just as much when women do this, but it is most frequently men).
What to do? Call them out. Don't smile and take it. Call them out politely, but call them out.
One particularly rotund man (a clergyman) called me this recently and got quite irritated when I told him it was condescending and that no woman over 13 appreciates being called "young lady."
"Would you think it was a compliment," I asked him, looking him up and down, "if I called you 'Slim'?"
LOL. I'll bet he never says 'young lady' again!
What a comeback! Have to remember that one. And yes, it's just about always men, convinced you'll be flattered.
Excellent column, Mona. In 2019 I attended 5 funerals. That's a bunch. Most were for people my vintage (you and I are the same age), one was a younger woman who had battled diabetes for most of her life. You're absolutely right, even people in their sixties don't look at life as we do. I for sure did not...it was one of the most active periods of my life. I admit to occasionally referring to my age with humor, mainly because NOBODY wants to hear me whine about the stuff that sometimes seems overwhelming. But you know one pet peeve? When a celebrity reaches their eighties or nineties and dies and there is all this OH NO, HOW SAD reaction. Holy Hannah, people! What a great life this person lived, and face it: NOBODY LIVES FOREVER. (One of my favorite lines from "House.") So instead of mourning the expected death of an old person (NLF), how about CELEBRATING IT?? -- that's my rant and I'm sticking to it. Oh... and I'm curious to learn what comes next. (Another topic for another time.)
You said it, sister. It really grinds me, too, when celebrities become famous more for their longevity than for their careers. The exceptions, of course, are folks like Betty white, Jane Fonda, Norman Lear, Dick VanDyke (He's still DANCING!) Carl Reiner, or Rita Moreno. They were or are still FORCES well into what we laughingly call 'old age'.
And, by the way, so are we!!
I so agree with your rant! I'm not yet at your age (though I'm not young) but I've always hated that way of looking at and talking about older people. I once worked with a nice, well-meaning millennial at a solar-related company who talked about a "sweet little old lady" persona wanting to go solar. I had to tell him not to talk about old women that way! What is it about getting old that would make us sweet? Hmph!
Prue Batten has just recommended I come visit you here at Substack Ramona and I'm so glad I did. Thank you so much for the 1-2-3-4 Newbie tutorials - they are great! I look forward to forging a connection with you as my next great adventure of re-invention unfolds. Now in what I call the "4th quarter" and creating a new persona as "The Crone aka Wise Woman (in training)" I relate to this post and truly appreciate your tongue-in-cheek comments and sense of humor. :-)
Welcome, Marilyn! Any friend of Prue's is a friend of mine! I hope you'll come back often.
I'm all for reinvention. It makes life incredibly interesting, and Crones/Wise Women are sorely needed as we jostle for our places in a world where they'd like to just forget about us.
Uh uh! We're here and we're special. And they're gonna know it.
This is a fantastic article Ramona, thank you.
I'm going to drop into the comments from the perspective of a 57 year old.
Possibly part of the issue is the lack of people in their last quarter of life (is that the right thing to say?) sharing their interesting perspectives and educating folks. I have spent decades working in health care and got to know great, and not-so-great, folks of all ages. I've watched them go through almost thirty years of living, yet it's mostly from being online, especially Substack, that I have been able to get the skinny on aging as it really is. Usually, if I read an article or even a book, it's not clear how old the writer is it which feeds into ageism as our culture wrongly assumes it was written by someone younger.
Even though I walked alongside my Mom during the death of my Dad, at 84, I did not get to see inside her head or heart the same way. I come from a very unaware family who have taught me how I don't want to age. At this moment I sit with my elderly, ill Mom in her senior residence and she is not like the others in here. They are all suffering and have complicated cases yet most seem to tackle it differently than she does. I don't need to go into detail but I've come to realize what this generational imprint has contributed greatly to my beliefs around aging and I need to actively work on changing that. So many of them are unconscious and it wasn't until my recently they have begun to surface.
I come from a very unaware family who have taught me how I don't want to age. Watching them has fueled my passion for wellness and education. I try to do this both in my clinical practice and my writing but it's only by being educated by folks older than me that I can do it with awareness.
Yes, our culture needs to change around aging, just as it's in the throes of changing around how to treat women, how to be a man, and too many other inequities to mention in this post (racism anyone) and the only way through is education. I, like many others, sometimes don't want to dip my foot in the comment pool because I am scared I will do it wrong. I'm concerned I'll say an offensive thing, or do it in an inappropriate way, yet the only way beyond that is to jump in, learn and do better.
I don't know what it feels like to be in my eighties but I am trying to actively focus on how I will want that to look. I am exploring it now, while I can do something about it by keeping a healthy body and mind. But it is only by following in the footsteps of others walking ahead that I will get to where I want to go.
We have similar Substacks. Mine is SnarkySenior.com. Check it out. This piece is terrific. Maybe we can trade posts,